10. You don’t bother putting the toilet seat down after peeing because you’re certain you’ll be the next person using it.
9. You fill up a blue bag with recyclables from the backseat of your car.
8. You plan every trip by noting the destination’s access to clean public washrooms. If there isn’t a place to pee nearby, you don’t go. The corrollary: When choosing a movie at the multiplex, the movie’s Rotten Tomato ranking is less important than the film’s proximity to the restrooms.
7. When the attendant gives you one of those enormous 64 oz glasses of pop (soda), you know that it won’t be nearly enough, so you get one for your partner, and leave it by your feet.
6. You’re on a first name basis with the young woman who lets you back into the theatre. When you leave, she asks you if you enjoyed the movie, and you realize you don’t have a clue what it was about.
5. Over two hours, you visit the bathroom five times more often than the combined total of your wife’s eight-member book club.
4. You dream about being a cocker spaniel in a lamp post factory.
3. You find your former wine-writer self creating tasting notes for soft drinks, so you start a new blog with a beer-loving friend called Hops and Pops.
2. You pee outdoors so often it’s like you’re five years old again.
1. You start thinking about your time in the hospital with a catheter as the “good old days.”